First ever solitary retreat

Castell cottage, near Llangollen, Wales. Thursday 23rd - Thursday 30th January 2014

One Going For Refuge Triratna Buddhist, one teddy bear 'Spunky monkey' on tour, one Buddha Rupa travel companion, one solitary cottage in Mid Wales, one Padmasambha shrine, one puja book, one notepad, 7 nights. My first ever solitary retreat. Bring it on!!

As I write this it's Saturday 18th January and I've just received my booking confirmation and additional info for my stay. On this date in January 2013 I was sat on an adult psychiatric ward in The Priory in Altrincham, Manchester having been transferred there the day before once I was medically fit after taking a huge overdose of stockpiled prescription medication.

Art therapy collage I made while in The Priory

Twelve months on I'm pretty much from recovered from depression, looking to move out of my parents (where I moved back to on my discharge from hospital), job hunting, and oh erm yeah I've asked to be ordained in the Triratna Buddhist Order. 

Basically to become a Buddhist nun but without the robes or monastery life. (Although having lived back at my parents house for a year the sound of a monastery seems somewhat appealing!) So how did I get from sitting on my bed on a psych ward in Manchester to sitting in the study at my parents house in Staffordshire writing the first entry of my preparations for a Buddhist solitary retreat?

It has been an 'interesting' roller coaster ride of a year in the life of me but to quote the grandma in the film 'Parenthood' - "When I was nineteen, grandpa took me on a roller coaster. Up and down up and down. Oh what a ride. I always wanted to go on it again. You know it was interesting to me that a ride could made me so frightened so scared so sick so excited and so thrilled all together. Some didn't like it. They just went on the merry go round. That just goes around. Nothing. I like the roller coaster. You get more out of it." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w1h_hmdVJAc

I’m Beth and I asked for ordination in to the Triratna Buddhist Order in November 2013 a week or so after my Mitra ceremony at Manchester Buddhist Centre. (To anyone unfamiliar with the term, mitra is a Sanskrit word meaning 'friend' so in this context it means deepening your connection by becoming a 'friend of Triratna Buddhism'). I’ve only been involved in Triratna since April 2013 so it has been a very deep and transformative journey for me to date but I’m loving the ride!

I’ve been Buddhist for 6 or 7 years and was originally just ‘self taught’ reading books and watching programmes on various traditions but mostly Zen, Tibetan, and (as it was then) the FWBO (Friends of the Western Buddhist Order). Complicated life circumstances hindered me in taking my interest any further and whereas I’ve been putting Buddhist as my religion on all documentation since 2007 it is only in the last year that I’ve had the time and spiritual vigour (energy) to get actively involved in a Sangha (a Buddhist community).

In January 2013 I was admitted to ‘The Priory’ on a mental health ward after an episode of severe depression brought on by financial and work problems (bankruptcy, my home being repossessed, and losing my job on health grounds). While in The Priory I reconnected with mindfulness meditation and that in addition to antidepressants plus the cognitive therapy I received in hospital played a huge part in my recovery.

After being discharged from hospital I was homeless and so relocated from Manchester back to Birmingham to live with my parents. I had a strong desire to stay connected with Manchester and Buddhism and so booked myself on to the newcomers retreat with Manchester Buddhist Centre in April. I loved the retreat and my book smart wisdom was quickly balanced with a lot of faith in Triratna and Shakyamuni Buddha (the historical Buddha - the man who became enlightened 2,500 years ago).

Since then I have gone on to study at Manchester centre (I have completed all of the introduction courses now and am waiting for a Mitra study group to start) and became a Mitra there on 17^th November. I then went on to ask for ordination at the end of November.

In addition to developing friendships and studying in Manchester I have packed as many retreats in as I could while I have (in some ways) the precious opportunity of being off sick with time on my hands. I have done three retreats at Taraloka (a Buddhist retreat centre for women in Shropshire) including an intense yet amazing one week silent retreat plus an additional three ‘work retreats’ there doing landscaping, coppicing, and D.I.Y.

Since the newcomers retreat I’ve done another two retreats with Manchester centre and am going to be the Mitra organizing their sangha weekend retreat later this year in July. Last year I also spent ten days at ‘Amitavati’ (A Triratna community in Valencia, Spain) doing an olive harvest voluntary retreat in December.

To keep myself busy and my spiritual momentum going this year I’m already booked on a ‘few’ retreats. I would love to book on more but at the moment finances (being on benefits and looking to get back to work) plus health circumstances (recovering from depression) means I need to take things at my own pace. Plus I’m a transsexual woman still going through treatment on the NHS (and so I need to book well in advance to get a single room for the privacy and dignity of me and more importantly all on retreat with me).

I’m going on this - my first ever solitary retreat - for seven nights starting next Thursday (23^rd January) then two weeks after I get back from there I am back at Taraloka on the ten day Reflection – a path to wisdom retreat. Then (by my terms) there’s quite a big gap before my next retreat which will be a one week meditation retreat at Amitavati in Valencia in May then I'm on the one week silent retreat again at Taraloka at the end of June. I may also sneak the international retreat in at the end of May as well before Amitavati. 

Next up I’ll be organizing the Manchester Sangha retreat in July then on at work retreat at Taraloka in November then lastly (as it stands for now) I’m on the going for refuge retreat at Tiratanaloka over Christmas and new year. At some point in the next 12 months I’m also hoping to have surgery on the NHS, get back in to nursing (I’m a psych nurse), move out of my parents house, find some time for me and my two cats Pete and Paul, and hope Aston Villa manage to stay up in the premier league for another season.

As the preparations get under way for my solitary retreat I'll post more before I go and then keep a hand written journal to put up on here once I'm back at the end of January. But for now I'm off to see my  beloved Aston Villa no doubt humiliated by Liverpool.